To keep your heart beating
by Hevin
Summary: Death is an everyday occurence, normal even, and connected with grief, sorrow and letting go. Even though Levi experienced many, partly cruel things, he never seriously mused about death. But when someone close to him dies an unexpected death he is confronted with a new situations and the different view of a person, who lived with death knocking on his door like an old friend.


Wow. I did not write for such a long time and I never (!) wrote in english for fun.

But about a week ago I saw a documentation about organ donations here in Germany and I was really, really touched by it. It was heartbreaking seeing a little girl wishing for a new kidney from Santa and...I don't know. I even started to cry which is really weird, because I'm not that emotial and quite proud of the control I have over my emotions.

Well moving on I got really inspired by that and thought that maybe I can write a ff about it and tada: I finished the first chapter.

Be warned that it may have content that can be triggering to some of you and I do not have a beta reader, so be warned.

Anyway I hope you can still enjoy it and I would love to have some feedback! :-)

P.S. I have a poll on my profile because I wasn't sure if I wanted to pair Levi and Eren or if I should

just make the relationship between them like between brothers. I haven't even really decided

what age they all have so it would be great if you vote for on of the options.

I would also like someone to proofread my next chapter so it would be great if someone would

volunteer! :-D

* * *

The measure of a life, after all,

is not its duration, but its donation.

~ Corrie Ten Boom

_It all happened too fast. Too fast for him to react. Too fast for him to reach for her, shield her, protect her like he always did in those years they had known each other._

_He still stood there, about two feets away from the sidewalk. She was laying on the ground, blood started to pool at her head and the car, a dark blue Volvo, came to a screeching halt some feets away from her. It seemed like he couldn't grasp the reality, what just happened just didn't want to reach his consciousness because just 10 seconds ago she was walking before him, her back to the street when they started to cross the crossroad and even thought it was one of the mainroads in town, not many cars were driving. _

_It was a Sunday. The hot californian sun was beating down on them. _

„_I want some ice cream when we're home. Let's ask Hange if she wants to join us. And Erwin! I haven't seen in such a long time. Didn't he call you yesterday? Or was it last week? Man lets get some ice cream, brother!" _

_He smirked, never wanting to admit it, but damn he loved her. She was the family he never had. And Farlan, of course. Hange and Eyebrown sometimes as well and just as he started to answer, his mouth already open and his lips forming the first syllable, it happened._

_The roar of an engine was the first thing he noticed and in his peripheral vision he caught the sight of a car that was speeding down the road and heading directly at them. And just seconds later he realised that the vehicle was not going to slow down. The idiot driver was to busy laughing with his female companion and with horror he had to watch how Isabel was hit by the car, her smiling face morphing into one which reflected shock. _

_The world was moving like in slow motion, his arm, which wanted to grab her, was too slow, too fucking slow and her body flung through the air. The sickening sound of her body slamming on the hard concrete, the screeching tires._

_And than everything was going too fast, too fast fastFAST._

_The driver, a young man with a weird bowl cut, got out of the car and frantically going with both his hand through his hair while shouting at his female companion to call an ambulance, his body reacted. _

_At first he just took one step, still slow, but he started to get faster and faster and he reached the little group in no time and full sprint. Without a tought he shoved the man out of my way, not even caring that he fell roughly on his ass and he dropped on his knees beside her head._

_Her red hair was even redder, now that it was dyed with her blood and one of her pigtails had loosend, leaving it fanned out on the dirty road. Her eyes, her beautiful green eyes, were slightly open but they looked dazed, glazed over, emotionless. _

_And the blood. God all the blood. It was everywhere, coming out of her nose, the trail running down the side of her face and dripping down onto the ground in fat , ruby drops. She was covered with bruises and cuts, her right arm and hand nearly scraped down to the bone and her left ankle was bent in a weird angle, probably shattered from the impact. He was going to be sick. _

_Her eyes, which previously were open started to close and he just couldn't stop the fear from crawling down his spine, making him shiver._

„_Oye Isabel. Don't fuck with me. Hey, HEY! Stay awake god damnit, stay FUCKING awake! Isabel! Isabel!" _

_And in his desperate attempt to keep her awake he didn't here the sirens which were howling and didn't saw the ambulance which stopped a few metres away from them. _

_And when Isabel was gently loaded on a strechter, an oxygen mask covering the lower half of her face and when one of the paramedics was gently, but with a firm hand, leading him away he finally started to register, to understand what just happened to her. To him. To them. And that was the moment, the exact moment, when the tears, which had accumulated at the corners of his eyes beforehand, started to flow down his cheeks._

* * *

Levi POV:

„ Levi...When was the last time you took a shower? Or ate more than some cereal bars? I know that it's hard for you. I mean it's hard for us all but..." I started to drown the voice of Hange out because she said the same thing every single day. Every single fucking day.

The last three weeks of my life were always the same and it was fucking hell. I spend so much time of my days in the hospital of Trost that I practically lived here. Many of the nurses already adressed me with my first name and under normal circumstances I would probably pissed off but nothing was normal anymore.

My family, which I cherished more than my own life and which I built after a hard childhood filled with rejection, abuse and mistrust was destroyed in mere seconds and I just wasn't strong enough to pick up the shattered pieces of the life I once had.

Currently I was sitting on the white plastic chair, my body facing the bed which was placed in the middle of the hospital room with those stark white walls and the yellow curtains, which I started to hate with passion. Hange was standing right beside me, brown hair tied in her usual messy bun, glasses perched on the tip of her nose and wearing dark blue jeans, a green shirt and brown sneaker. She was gnawing at her bottom lip while quietly eyeing me over the rim of he glasses.

I knew that she was worried but at the moment I couldn't care less what she or anyone else was thinking because the sole focus of my life was currently lying on the hospital bed.

Isabel was lying under the white cover, her arms places over the cover, with her red hair brushed and neatly tied into the two pigtails she always used to wear. If you overlooked her pale skin, the bruises and scratches which still littered her skin and made her look like she got into a fight like she used to when she was a lot younger and all those machines she was hooked on and I forgot the names of, she looked like she was sleeping.

„ Hey Levi are you even listening? Farlan is going to come over after uni and I bet he would like to spend some time with her as well. Come on, lets get something to eat."

Ah, yes of course. Farlan was spend nearly as much time as me in the hospital and he would probably spend much more time beside the hospital bed of Isabel but he was still attending university. I , however, took a break of my teaching studies after the car accident and most of my professors were understanding enough to acknowledge and accept my decision.

„ Levi!" Fucking hell. I knew she was not going to stop pestering me and with a sigh I stood up and pushed her towards the door.

„Then get your gear moving, shitty glasses."

* * *

After a quick visit to the toilet and a grilled cheese sandwich later I was again sitting in the hospital room, together with Farlan, who joined us about one hour ago, and Hange.  
I was just about to punch the idiotic woman in the face because she really fucking tried to stick her fucking gross chewing gum into my hair, when the door opened and an eldery man with a bald head and a gray mustache entered the room, closley followed by a bespectacled woman with short blond hair.

„Ah Mr. Ackerman, Mr. Curch and Miss Zoe. A bit stuffed in here on such a sunny day eh?" The man asked good naturally, humour shining in his eyes, and he took some steps forward and into the room and raised his hand to shook ours and the woman who held herself in the backround nooded in greeting.

„If this isn't good old Rico! Working hard, I see but I hope you don't neglect poor little Ian. He never liked to be left out of anything did he?" Of course Hange knew the assistant doctor because who in the whole damn world did she not know? While the shitty glasses was distracted by the young physician, who obviously seemed to be uncomfortable under the sharp gaze of the brown haired woman, Dot Pixis, the doctor who was in charge of Isabels well being, smiled at both of them. „ Why don't you and Miss Zoe get some coffe, Rico? It seems like some caffeine would do both of our friends here some good. Besides, I have to talk about a very important matter. With both of them."

Of course, even though she was one of the smartest people I personally knew, she did not recognize the clue that she should leave and it took doctor Brzenska practically shoving the laughing brunette out of the room to get the four of us some privacy.

Even before Pixis opened his mouth I knew what he wa going to tell us and I knew that this moment was going to come. I dreaded it and tried to put it off as long as I could nut it seemed like time was up.

„ You see, Levi and of course Farlan. It is okay that I use your surnames, isn't it?" After we both gave our consent he continued to talk with his soothing voice, his ever present smile missing.

„ I want to be honest with you boys, because I know that neither of you deserves to be lied to. You see, your sister was admitted with serious injuries and even though we tried everything at the surgery that followed the prognosis was never positive.

You both were provided with the information that her brain function was no longer present two days after her admittance and it did not return. I, as an experienced physician, have never heared of a patient, who was diagnosed with brain death, who ever regained consciousness again and after nearly a month on life-support I have to ask the both of you if you would agree to donor the organs of your sister.

Isabel herself already gave her consent, because she is a registered donor, but it seems like she never had the chance to complete her regristation. Our data base has no information which organs she wanted to donor so that decision is left to the both of you."

He took a deep breath, clearly sympathizing with our situation and he gave us both one of his gentle smiles.

„ Think about it and don't rush for a decision. It's a hard decision to make, I know, but please be aware that there is no right or wrong for that question." And with that last sentence said he took a last look at Isabels face and quietly exited the room.

After Dr. Pixis exit the room was silent. It wasn't a comfortable silence which I loved so much, but one which was thick and filled with all the negative emotions Farlan and I bottled up the last few weeks and which release was triggered by the message and heavy burden the physician left behind.

And that was the reason Farlan did not startle when I suddenly stood and punched a dent into the wall of the hospital room and just continued to think about whatever kept his mind busy at the moment.

Because damn. Why did Isabel have to be this selfless, even after her death?


End file.
